Wednesday, 9 October 2013

A Complete Opposite

So, it's just 4 days away, from the day school starts, and I seriously dread it, it is almost unreal that a month and a half flew by this quickly, like this quickly, WHAT?! A month and a half in school feels like a year and a half almost, and the next time I'll have a sort-off long break, would be December, and it isn't that far away, but it feels long, and I think it's because of how I'm still in disbelief on how it's already a week and 2 days in October, my mind body and soul is still in June, and in my head, I'm still a 16 year old, not giving a fuck about anything, but the moment 17 happened, I felt old as a prick and that my time for opportunity, is almost up. But anyways, up till yesterday, I didn't quite sit down and take the time to kind of look back on what I've been doing for the past 6 weeks, and reflect upon it. And then it struck to me, I had made a list of things I want to do/achieve during the break, and I didn't do it, and I am still procrastinating. For instance, I told myself, I'd go get a job to earn me some cash, that didn't happen, I told myself to continue on music lessons, and that didn't happen, and to make things worse, no my sleep pattern is fucked, I get so sleepy once it's 9 or 10 in the morning, and I sleep till 12 am, and stay awake and the cycle just goes on, and I'm trying to do something to change it, but, god knows if that'll work. I told myself I'll do something, anything in the holidays, and majority is spent on idling on my single bed, four walls, and laptop. Didn't make new friends, didn't move forward, or backwards.

However, one thing that managed to move forward, is my Korean lessons, and that I'm done with the third level, and moving on to the fourth, only for it to crash on to my school lessons, and I have to reschedule it, not that I'm happy about it, new people, I'd miss the classmates I made, that we'll meet every monday night. The saddest thing is, it's almost for sure, we'll never meet again.

Before the holidays started, I saw it as an opportunity, for things to really get on, and just not be a run-of-the-mill student who lazed around and do nothing, and that happened. Then realised, don't have alot of friends, which explains why I'm stuck to my four walls, sleeping, eating and watching shows, and the cycle just runs on and on. Laziness is an addiction, worse than a drug cause there's no regulation. If there's anything I gained, it's weight, and what I've lost? Motivation. I have became an unmotivated, lifeless doll. Is doll too much of a compliment, if it is, then it's just lifeless. I have became my classmates, who just wants to get through life, and that was NOT what I signed up for. Once school starts, I'm going to change, put life into perspective and then filter those negative people out, and I've said this on Twitter, many times, but can that even happen if I'm still hooked on laziness? Have we reached an age where laziness and motivation is not driven by oneself by by others around like a contagious disease?

p.s I know recently, posts are boring and ew, but fun outings will be up soon!

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