Monday, 26 October 2015

Why I Hate Staying In

If London was a mood, then I must find LA paradise.

So guess who's down with a cold again? The werk week begins and I found myself like a sneezing mess, rubbing my nose and stuffing tissue in it to stop the water fest. And unsurprisingly, a full day spent at home meant a day wasted for life. As much as I bemoan the constant need to sleep and go home, I never revel the idea of spending life slowly in a sloth manner. 

Yes, I would like a break and sleep for a good 10 hours here and there, once every fortnight maybe, but to laze around and do things slowly and taking on projects only once every while, isn't me. hardly. 

Just 2 days of nursing and staying in has already gotten me to feel the routine blues. I've raved about how much I want to experience London, for its gloomy and calm ethos, but I always thought of myself as a fast paced kind of person. Singapore, LA, the world. The thought of not doing can't seem any less inspiring - something that I've unfortunately been marinating myself in for the past few days. 

Bingeing on reality shows and watching the day slowly go past, the next thing that ensues in this confinement usually is over-thought. 

I love to work, I love throwing myself into things I love doing, learning and experiencing. Whether it's meeting someone new or being out to explore, I, like many teenagers, thirst for that sense of doing and creating something, only using sleep to refuel and push even more tomorrow. The world is so big, and we're only so small. Time is ticking and wasting any second at all seem like a crime you're doing not to anyone but yourself. 

My boldness or that lack thereof has proven that opportunities are never going to serve itself in a silver platter, and even if it does, it take more than courage and passion to take it. It's just something greater altogether. 

Maybe I don't hate the slow lifestyle, I just hate living without a purpose or something to chase for. 

Thursday, 22 October 2015

It's funny you think the world would still orbits around you. 
But even the brightest stars die and the tributes would stop, 
and I would start thinking maybe all the things I should've done, be done. 
It took me a long time, but a long time worth.
You don't want love, you want a fan. 

and i finally found the right you
Ever since work at The Smart Local began, about 2 months ago to be exact, I hardly had the time to look around and see life from a wider perspective. But in its own way, that's a good thing - too much empty space left for thinking might sometimes get too much and loud.

Back when school was in session, it has always been about me. Me, myself and I. Being able to get home before the sun sets, ample time to do whatever shit I wanted, being late and lazy till the last minute. Even though life slacking through everything sounds glorious, there's only bits and pieces of that time I miss.

While the unfulfillment and periods of unforetold un-inspiration can be left behind, it would be blatant lying if I say I didn't miss going to a comfortable environment where friends, radio, and projects were a daily staple, especially the first point.

On the same thread, the things I've been doing currently has just been quite interesting. For someone who is seasoned to writing sadcore and all things whiny and endless, it's extremely refreshing, and brain cells killing process learning to write in another tone, yet retaining a resonant voice and personality.

It's daunting, trust me it is, but I've never learned so much for a long time - not even in school. And it's been liberating being able to do something like that. And slowly, I think I'm becoming a happier person.

- One may wonder