My Favourite People(s) // Thank You Notes

It's been a good 2 weeks since school was out, and as usual, I took the time to just slack on life and slept. And after bad sleeping patterns and habits, I am just glad I got my sleep schedule back to a humane one. Went back to school yesterday for one last time to collect the dreaded internship logbook and briefing.

While I found myself dragging my body to school, I did anticipate to see some of my favourite people. 

Viena, oh I'll be forever reminded of what a mess I am when I sleep and all the times we spent in Japan. Super thankful to have known you and we got to become closer before we graduate. 

What are the chances of the two of us knowing each other? Almost 0! If not for some marketing competition we were both involved in, me and Michelle would probably still not know each other. But I am just super grateful to have known her, god (and her) knows the conversations we have on our way home all the time. Just an uber reliable and fantastic friend who gives gr8 advice, WHY DID I NOT KNOW YOU EARLIER?!?!

When I saw this pic, my first thoughts were 'Long lost siblings reunited after 19 years'. But it was just gr8 getting to know Steph. Super talented in design and writing, her final magazine was bomb ok, bomb. It's so hard to meet people who are genuinely nice, but this gurl is just full of love.

MY HOMIE AND PEASANT #1. Oh my god, me and Ke Xin go wayyyyyyyy back. Ok, actually it was back in Year 2. It really is the most weirdest turn of events and even stanger to many people we are close.  I think we initially didn't think each other could be ghetto and crazy. An absolute awesome person who is just a joy to werk with. OMG I AM SO SAD SCHOOL'S OUT T___T #peasantinc2k16 okai

Oh yes, the Unfriended group. It was through Yams I know XY, Karin and Sang. Once again, the Japan trip was everything. Basically it was my gateway to knowing more people. Just a bunch of fun people who spreads positivity and makes your day better. Gonna miss the times we just see each other at the agency and just chill and chat and y'know, do whatever. 

NEDDY BOOMZ. This one is just a hell of a story. What are the chances of us being friends? Literally nigh. And of all ways we knew each other, it was a digital marketing masterclass that got us together. Both equally bitchy and placed in the same group, it was just great working with this gurl, and talking about Ned's bbyboy. And one of the perks of knowing Ned, is that she takes FANTASTIC photographs for you omg, it's unparalleled. And also she helped my magazine group out so much we are indebted to her. 

-more photos & anecdotes coming-

And as you can tell, I got my hurr refreshed! Gotta talk about that and also how I suffered my first chemical meltdown (that was no fun). 

I just want to be yours, like I always say

 please never let me go.

I witnessed the falling out of a couple, a few years of rocky relationship, and an incredibly bad break-up. And unlike any break-ups like I've seen, this one seemed like one that is off to destruct each other down. Scandalous reveals, private messages that had gone not-so-private now, a smear campaign that won't do anyone, any good.

As a spectator, I couldn't give a less accurate reasoning - I wasn't in that circle. But seeing the way they acted really pained me. Outright social bursts, throwing away letters, t-shirt, getting legions of friends and acquaintances to join in, forcing them to choose a side. On digital, it seems almost as if they're out to highlight how perfect their lives are, in that everything meant nothing. Getting wasted, chasing papers - no more sadness.

It's funny how everyone on the outside can see right through it, just 2 immensely hurt people trying to send a smokescreen to cover it all. When the best way is to just go ahead and acknowledge the pain, recognise it, feel it. Feel the hurt so thoroughly you know it could only get better. Rather than going back and forth trying to prove how much more hurt you can cause, the only casualty is each other.

Heartbreak is like going under the knife. You can numb it, but you will feel the pain. If not today, tomorrow, if not tomorrow, some other day. And when you push the day further, it will hit you when you least expect it - and that's when you realise the pain was always there.

As I have known, it's better to just get through the sadness and whatever that ensues, then try to move on. If you can't, some feelings just simply, still remain.

Epiphanies

In between wondering what to get for supper and trying to get my mind over a fling thing, I remembered a tweet. "She wants cold water, you fan the cup a million times, then someone else walks over with ice."

It only occurred to me, only a long time after, it was never about effort. It was what fits the bill best. Attribute it to my inexperience, or my overtly patriotic mindset. I believed that if you put in just enough effort, you might at least get to reap some of the benefits. Except, when it comes to the matters of heartstrings, it isn't all just facts and figures. 

I could, and probably did, put my best face forward, put on what I thought would be apt, enough to impress and hope to leave one wanting more. But the bill didn't fit. It wasn't at all my inability to churn out a decent look, neither was it anyone's fault. But through the everyday anecdotes and subtle nuances, I had another epiphany. While I still have many things to work on, maybe I have to slow down wondering why was I not good enough, or what was it I should have done. It wasn't neither of our faults. But it took me long enough to realise, and long enough of your time, that hey, you just weren't that into me. 

That was it.