“Character isn’t what you have, it’s who you are”
- Yolanda Foster
I still remember, for the past four semesters, before the first day of school and mayhem. I always tell myself – “ a start of a new semester, let’s not screw this up, be nice.”
And without fail, just weeks in, I find myself to be breaking this rule, promise, oath I set up myself. Call me a black-hearted evil spinster who is just angry and sad. But truth is, as much as I want to, just the sight of some people made me go “oh hell with this nice thing.”
And then I had an epiphany, you can never deliberately ‘be nice’, because niceness comes from within, it comes from the heart. And when we attempt to be nice, or go out of our way to do so, we’re not being nice, we’re just being cordial.
To say it harshly we’re pretending to be nice, and in other words, is being fake.
But it did finally get to me, even if you can't be nice, being kind is something even the worst of mankind can do. Because kindness doesn't have to be deliberately and genuine. Because you see, kindness is genuine in itself, and it is actually something you can do. And I wondered, what took me 4 semesters, 2 years to understand that? From being mean and catty, to cunning and strategic, people in this circle are just hurt. Not mean or toxic.
And no one is truly evil, just hurt. In each of our 19 to 20 years, we go through different things, and for the most of us sad and confused teenagers, we are still getting ourselves into nonsense that we can’t really figure out why.
And in the midst of everything, it is apparent – hurting others are better than being vulnerable. And those whom we call ‘bitches’, should be renamed the ‘most hurt.’ And truth is, I’m not any better. I am, like every other person, gone through the good and bad. And sometimes, it does seem like putting someone else down is the best and fastest option to feel better.
There are some though, whom we can’t help but to look and sigh, not because they are hurt, but so hurt beyond relief they lose their morals. And they become mean, and they enjoy being mean. The tale gets sadder when they find comfort in those whom they see themselves in. And they get very comfortable in being mean to people together. Sometimes, teamwork isn't for the better.
Despite all the thing being said, heard and thought, I still do believe, firmly, that people are all good.