Neon

It has just struck to me that, it is October now. I mean, OCTOBER. We're 10 months in to the year already, but I feel as if it barely began. School isn't a breeze and there's many issues that that happened along the way and in the end, I'm back in the school that I tried to run away from, which till TODAY I still question why I transferred back. Ok, so basically, I was in school A, and I decided to transfer to School B, and for some stupid, fucked up, nonsensical reason, I decided to transfer back, well fucking done, and now I have to live to regret it, it truly is irrelevant. Maybe I should do a post where I title it '10 things I hate about my classmates'. Bastard move, but chances are I won't, but I mean who knows right. I think it's not hate, but they're just too boring. I mean what is the point graduating from a good school when all you have to look back and realise how boring it was. Like some people can, I just can't, I mean, at the end, we're all walking towards death right?

But anyways, I digress. It just struck me that it's October, and that in less than 2 months time, it's 2014, and I think the 2 months will just fly pass and everything will be a blur. I mean, why go drunk when life is doing the exact same thing? At this point, I'm just enjoying the holidays, sleeping late and waking up later, and not really caring about the disasters that school will once again bring. I was thinking if I had done worse for my 'O' levels, I would've chose a course in NYP or RP, and I KNOW for a fact I would be so much happier and met so many fun friends, but no, I had to do decent, why can't I get a C6 for Science or something? So see, doing well for 'O' levels isn't all that good. Going to JC? It is always an open option, in a sense, if by the end of the first year, and I feel like this isn't for me, I could do 'A' levels, and if I do well enough, I could get into a good university. But again, having good scores isn't really all good, like you get me? Even if I could get into a university, chances are I'd have to do it overseas, and it is not cheap. GOD. I think there's so many things to stress about and it's almost crazy, and life is just too hard to live when it's like that. It's suffocating to be honest.

That escalated quickly, from how fast October came to how poor I am. This post is random cause I didn't even plan on doing it, could have spent all this time editing photos for next post, but oh well, you can't take back time can you?  But the more I think of it, the more sad it is. Like you spend 4 years on Pre-school and 6 years on Primary/Elementary/Middle school, then next 4 - 5 on Secondary/High school, and then the next 2 - 3 years in college/polytechnic and another 4 years on getting your degree. If you want to go on further, you take the next 2 - 3 doing your masters. In total, you spend around 21 years studying non-stop, trying your best to excel in studies, and once you're done with that, you find a job, work for the next 21 years, trying to get materials, if you're lucky enough, buy a house and find a husband grow old, spend all your hard earned money on raising your kid. And then spend the next 21 spending all your hard earned money on meds on your dying body, and the last few just waiting to die. It sounds crude, but it does make some sense right? Enjoyment is so important I think, what is the point of getting A1s for 10 subjects for your 'O', AAA/A for you're 'A' levels, get a 4.0 GPA and 5.0 CAP and graduate with first class honours when you look back in life upon your deathbed and realise all you have been doing really isn't anything?

I feel like at 17, I'm quite old already, and by the time I want to do the things I want to do in life, I might be too old for that.